Welcome to the final session “Get your physiology right and get what you want!” in my online series The Keys to Greater Happiness – Living the Life you Want!
Getting your physiology right will also result in you feeling much happier.
If you haven’t had a chance to read them yet, I highly recommend you do so that you can learn how to use each aspect (force) of the triad for greater happiness.
Let’s move on to the final force in the triad – Physiology and then from there we’ll be looking at goal setting in getting what you want in life.
Physiology as a Force
Emotion is created by motion.
Whatever you’re feeling right now is directly related to how you’re using your body.
If you slump your shoulders and hang your head down, you’ll move towards a state of depression. Likewise, if you stand tall with your shoulders back and head up you can create a state of confidence.
Let me just introduce you here to something that can cause a little bit of controversy and might I say “push back”.
It’s the concept that we “do” a certain emotion. For instance, we “do” depression.
We have to think something before we get in that state, we are focusing on something unresourceful and our thinking is negative (see session 1), our language is negative (see session 2), and our physiology will be “doing” depression.
Now, I want you to think about something for a moment – if we didn’t know that depression existed, with all the adjectives we have to describe it and choose from “to do it”, could we do it. I doubt it.
So, why not try it now (very briefly of course, because I want you in a positive state). Just try it, slow your breathing down, shallow breaths, slump your shoulders, drop your head, look down at your desk or at the ground, frown, start thinking about something that you know doesn’t make you feel good, maybe it’s someone your conflicting with right now or something not right in your life. How does that feel now? Not great.
So, let’s shift it right now and put ourselves in a happier state – a more resourceful state.
How do we do happy? Ok, stand up, shoulders back, deep breath in, head up, big smile, think about something that makes you smile or laugh….throw your arms in the air and yell “I love life”…”I love my life”…do a little jig…sing a silly song……think about a cute purple elephant in a pink tutu with yellow polka dots…..think about whatever puts you in a state of happiness.
How do you feel now? How is your mood? You feel much better don’t you? Instantly you have changed your state and this can be done at any time.
Finally, let me just say that we are only ever feeling what we are thinking, not what we are thinking about. Let me say it again, we are only every feeling our thinking.
We can’t have a feeling without thinking. We don’t wake up in the morning feeling horrible, we do it, we create it with a thought.
We can change our mood instantly by just changing one of the factors of our triad or better still all three.
Ask, what can I do here? Ok, right, I’m skipping to the bathroom…whatever it is…..do it.
So, the next time you find yourself in a negative state, stand up, throw your shoulders back and take a few deep breaths. You’ll find that you’ll be able to put yourself in a resourceful state.
From this state, you can make stronger decisions and enjoy a sense of certainty that will keep you calm in the face of uncertainty.
So, start to become really aware of your physiology, how you are walking, where your shoulders are, where your head is, what are you doing with your eyes, what about your face, is it tight, relaxed, your brow, what’s happening there, what’s your breathing doing, what’s your tone like, your voice?
Let me just say that I don’t advocate quashing one’s emotions either, avoiding or distracting, but if you need to be in a resourceful state to get something done then you can use the triad of emotion to change your state.
There is a process by which you can reduce the intensity of emotions and/or dissolve them which is why I recommend meditation too. I will write more about this later. It might seem contrary to what I am teaching here, but it depends on where you are at. Some aren’t ready to move toward a more spiritual approach through bringing more awareness and presence into their lives. If you are, I have written a number of articles around awareness and presence that I’m sure will make a truly wonderful impact and change in your life. This path leads to transformation, sustainable peace and joy.
I have digressed a little but I felt it was important to highlight that there is another way.
So, we’ve covered physiology and how it impacts on our state and subsequently our resourcefulness. Now you are aware of all three force that contribute to our state and our happiness, you can utilise each of these together or each in isolation. Together is very powerful however.
Ok so, let’s just move onto goal setting and achieving what we want in life.
Goal setting and having what you want in life!
Let me start by saying that we can limit ourselves to thinking that goals are around material things in many ways or thinking about what we can achieve in terms of career etc, but really it covers everything from relationships to how you want to feel or grow emotionally, spiritually and physically.
An area of goal setting that is often missed is around who we are Being.
Who do we need to be, in order to do what we need to do, to have what we want to have.
So, most people will outline the HAVE/GET (I want to have or get), they will focus on the DO (what do I need to do to get it or have it), but the BE (who are you being) is excluded.
And often this is because no-one’s talking about it. You can go to a goal setting class and who you are being is not even addressed and it’s so crucial.
It can hugely impact our results and certainly how we feel about what we achieve.
We may achieve that high paying job, the new car or house, whatever it may be, but how will we feel when we get it? More often than not, we can still feel empty or the feeling of happiness is short lived and so we then start to thinking about the next thing we can get, have or want.
So, this is where the BEING is so important.
Because if we don’t have a sense of appreciation, gratitude, wholeness within us now, we will not feel it when we obtain the things that we want unless we transform the BEING.
It’s not that having things is bad, either, we want things, things are great, it’s just that it’s more than that and fulfilment is more than that. Because how many times have you achieved something and you still feel lack. How happy will you be living in your mansion if you still feel empty or alone.
So, when we set a goal we must have the following four ingredients:
We must have an outcome in mind (and I’m working backwards here, I have the end in mind).
You need to be really specific about what you want and if you don’t know what you want, just focus on how you want to feel.
You need to write it down, you need to be able to language it. Remember to use positive terms and positive language (see session 2 Master your Emotions and be happier).
You must have your outcome in mind at all times.
2. The Why
And with this I want you to also look at when you achieve this, how you will feel, what you will see, what you will hear? Can you visualise it.
This is with no if’s or but’s – picture it exactly how you want it. If it was exactly as you wanted it, how would you feel, what would you see, what would you hear, who would be around you, what does it look like, your outstanding outcome with none of the fears around it or your limitations, i.e. what you don’t think is possible.
Don’t get hung up on the How
Many people will get caught up in the ‘how’ around goals. Big mistake. If you start thinking about how, you won’t do it, you will come up with hundreds of reasons how and why it’s not possible.
Let me say here too that the achievement of a goal is never about resources e.g. money, people, the level of education you have, it’s about how resourceful you are, what is within you, your state, who you are being.
So, when you focus on the why, the how will actually take care of itself.
When you have a compelling enough reason why, the how will come. You will naturally see the opportunities, research, you will take action. So, it’s not about not doing anything, it’s that you will be naturally compelled to do what you have to do.
Now, if you are ever in doubt and the buts start coming up because they will, you need to come back to your why, focus on your why, for what purpose you are doing this, what it will give you, what you will be able to give to others.
Now people who make new year’s resolutions for instance and I’m sure we’ve all been there and haven’t followed through. That’s because we haven’t worked out our “why”.
We haven’t taken the time to think what it would mean to do this differently, to achieve our goal.
So, many times people will start something and it’s based on will power and/or shoulds and so there is a short-term motivation, but it won’t be sustainable, we need an internal motivation. We need inspiration for sustainability and this comes from your why.
Just a point on this too, never use words like should, have to, need to because with a should it’s exhausting and you will crash, burn out, become sick, and also, when you don’t do the thing you should, you will beat up on yourself, self-esteem drops, confidence drops etc. It’s the same with have to’s and need. That’s just coming from a place of desperation and that’s not a good space to be in.
To elaborate even further, never use terms like give up or lose. For example, I want to give up smoking or I want to lose 10 kilos. As soon as we use this language it connotates deprivation and suffering and immediately we will go into a mode of “no way” – loss, losing something….no, that is pain.
So, a better way is to say for example, I want to be in peak condition physically and feed my body healthy foods and healthy fluids or I want to nurture and care for my body. Use whatever terms resonate positively for you.
So, we need a compelling enough why.
3. Who do you need to Be?
Who do you need to BE in order to do what you need to DO to have what you want to HAVE.
So, for instance if I want more love in my life, who do I need to be? I need to be loving. To receive love, I need to give it. Better still, I want to give it.
If I have to make sales calls etc, what characteristics do I need to have in order to do that? Maybe it’s that I need to be confident, friendly, purposeful, courageous. If you don’t know research someone who has what you want, is successful in that area and model them.
Let me say something about fear here too. If we wait for fear to subside before we take action we will be waiting a very long time.
It won’t happen, confidence comes in the doing.
It’s not that the most successful people don’t fear, it’s just that they face it, get themselves in the right state and do it anyway. That’s about Being. Who do I have to be to do this?
Now, I will touch on Beliefs.
Beliefs can affect what we want in life, how we will feel and what we achieve and have.
Beliefs drive our behaviour.
A belief is certainty about a thing or what it means.
Your patterns, struggles and recurring issues are all indicators of your core beliefs. We have empowering or limiting beliefs and often we’re not aware of them. They are subconscious.
Change the limiting beliefs that no longer serve you and you will change your reality.
There can be a tendency for people to believe that beliefs are hard to change or I’ve been thinking this way for 30 years and living this way, it will be hard to change.
That’s not true, in fact, they are just beliefs too.
Beliefs are just thoughts and they can be changed (remember thoughts drive our behaviour and hence reflect our environment and our state (whether our state is resourceful or not).
Clues to your beliefs are when you say things like “I can’t, I always, It’s too hard, it’s unrealistic, I’m not intelligent enough, money doesn’t grow on trees etc.
If there is a lack of congruency around what we want and our beliefs we are going to find it really difficult to either achieve it or maintain it.
To learn more about beliefs read my article Can Beliefs be Changed? How to change your beliefs to change your life.
Beliefs are powerful, but they are only thoughts and they can be changed.
So what is your belief around your goal? What belief do you need to have in order to realise this goal?
Go beyond the limitations of your thinking. But first, you need to be aware of our current beliefs.
1. Watch your focus and shift it if necessary
2. Watch your language and shift it if necessary. Break the language patterns in your mind. Scratch the record and start firing new neurology.
3. Watch your physiology and change it if necessary.
Check in regularly and change what you need to change of the 3 forces in relation to the Triad of Emotion.
4. Set your goals using the Outcome, Why?, Being and Beliefs recipe.
Just to finish up, I can’t emphasise enough the importance of gratitude.
When we are grateful we manifest more. Be grateful for what you don’t have yet (be grateful in advance). To learn more about gratitude click here.
I hope you have enjoyed this series. If you’ve missed them click on the following links:
Your questions and comments are appreciated so please leave them below.
Go forth with ease and just be!