How to be Successful in Life – Success Principle #6

Commitment Pays Off!

I’m impressed that you have stuck with me this far as we now move past the half way point and on to How to be Successful in Life – Success Principle #6.

It tells me that you are committed and serious about making changes in your life and see yourself worthy of experiencing all that you want and being all you can be.  You’re doing great – stay on track and keep going!

As you move through and apply each success principle I would love to hear about the changes and successes you are experiencing along the way.  So please leave me a comment.

For those vising for the first time, here’s a click list of the success principles covered previously.  Do yourself a favour and become acquainted with them and make them part of your approach to life.

And, for those up to speed, re-read what you have to or move right along to the next principle.


The 10 Principles for Successful Living

The gold we’ve covered so far:

Principle Number 1:  Boundary Conditions

Principle Number 2:  Cause and Effect

Principle number 3:  What we focus on is what we get

Principle number 4:  The map is not the territory

Principle number 5:  There is No Failure only Feedback


Principle Number 6 – Responsibility for Change

I’m sure you get the gist by now that these Success Principles are really down to you and your willingness to change.

With that, it will be no surprise that this next principle looks at who is really responsible for change.

Don’t be scared off by what I’m about to say now.  It really is a wonderful thing!

In any area of our lives the key is to know that we are 100% responsible for the results that we get no exceptions – 100% responsible.

Now the first time I heard that I was really overwhelmed.

I was going through a lot of change in my life and I didn’t know how to do it.  I had been pretty ineffective and unresourceful for a long time.

So, to hear I was 100% responsible for what was going on in my life and that I couldn’t blame anyone or any external circumstances anymore, that basically it was up to and down to me, that was huge to me because I had issues across every area of my life.

What I discovered was that limiting beliefs and habitual unresourcefulness had coloured every area of my life not just the area I thought it was affecting.

If you want to really know how you are doing, really look at your life, your entire life – relationships, health, career, wealth etc.  That will tell you what is going on inside you.  Because what is going on inside affects everything – what you will attract, achieve, have and be.


But, it’s not all doom and gloom! Nothing is Permanent

For me, it looked pretty grey and pretty insurmountable at the time.

But then it became empowering because I realised that whilst one side of the coin was filled with quite a bit of fear, the other side of the coin was filled with potential.

I just knew that I was not prepared to live another 40 years feeling the way I was feeling and living the way I was living.  The pain and fear of staying the same was greater than any fear I felt about making a change.

Now, I know that change for some people can be scary, the word alone can make people sweat.

For me though, I had always loved the notion that nothing was permanent and this has really served me.

I actually have always had that belief even before I was exposed to coaching principles or psychology.  I have always said ‘nothing is permanent or everything is temporary’ (and most people look at me with shock and horror).  Unlike most people though, I have found it a relief or comforting in some way, because I know that nothing ever stays the same and things can, do and will change.  Thank goodness!

However, at some level this was at the surface or external level.  The scarier place was changing inside, changing my thoughts and behaviours. That seemed like hard work and many people aren’t up for it.

But how does this relate to taking responsibility and how is it empowering?

Because, if I was one hundred percent responsible for the results I was getting in my life, what was now available to me?  What had I not noticed before or even considered was a possibility?

And that’s what really hooked me.  If nothing is permanent, then what could be, what could I create, what could that change look like.


Yes, but the past predicts the future right? – No!

I have always resisted the concept that the past predicts the future or that the most reliable predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.

Honestly, could there be anything more demoralizing and de-motivating for someone to hear.  I think that is one of the worst possible things you could say to a person.  If they didn’t already feel dead inside that will surely do it.  And on that basis, the statement would be correct.

But, my past does not have to predict the future if I choose it not to.  Do not look back and only move forward.

Now, on this basis, I asked:

What was now available to me? Was it always available to me?  Probably yes, I just hadn’t realised it yet.

My map had not filtered it in, my focus wasn’t on it.

But now that I was becoming aware that I was 100% responsible for the results that I was getting, what did I now get to notice that I had not noticed before?  What would now show up?


Am I really 100% responsible for everything that happens?

Now this is one of the presuppositions or beliefs, where we say it doesn’t matter whether it is true or not.

Maybe it’s not true that I am 100% responsible for everything that happens in my life.  I don’t care.

All I care about is that by believing it I get the results that I am looking for and that’s my concern, that is my only focus.

And so, believing you are 100% responsible for the results you get, what now becomes available that was not available before?

How we choose to experience anything in this world is entirely up to us.

No one makes us feel bored, disconnected, angry, sad, fearful, miserable, depressed or anything.

Similarly, no one can make us feel excited, connected, whole, loved, appreciated or successful.

We determine how we experience our world.  We are responsible for how we choose to change our lives.

Now this to me is incredibly empowering and the moment you take it on board, so many new potentials become available to you.

It means that we can choose to experience our world any way we want to and that to me is so empowering but it’s also exciting.

You are 100% responsible.

If you consistently do depression for example or you consistently bring sadness or self-pity, that is entirely up to you.

Choose empowerment and get excited.


Hostage Taker

Now there is another frame or another level we can take this to.

Somebody who repeatedly or consistently does unresourceful I call a hostage taker.  I make no judgement here either, I’m just raising awareness.

If somebody repeatedly does sadness where everybody has to come around them and make them feel better and make them cheer up and give them a lot of sympathy and attention – that is hostage taking behaviour.

Now there are two focuses or two intentions around this on an unconscious level (I’m not saying that anybody is doing this with total awareness of course, however, some people do).

If somebody keeps doing sadness, they have a benign intention or a hostile intention.

The benign intention is that they don’t know how to do it differently.

The hostile intention that they are not probably even aware of, is that by doing this I get to control my environment.  I get to control those around me.

Whatever the intention is, it is unresourceful.  And it is about taking responsibility to know that you can choose to do it differently if you want to.  You can move to cause.

Of course, if you are the recipient of this, remember, you can also move to cause and have choice about how you experience this.  This does not mean however that you start haranguing the other person and pointing out what you now believe they are doing e.g. trying to control you or the situation.  You simply choose a different way.  This is about you, not them.   To attack them is to blame them.

I want you to think for a moment about somebody you might know in your life or have heard about who would never take responsibility for what was going on.

They could have done it in a drama way, so be the drama queen – it’s not my fault, I can’t believe this is happening, the total victim mode.

Or they could be in the blame mode – I can’t believe you did this, this is all your fault, if x hadn’t done this, if my parents weren’t like that I wouldn’t be…etc etc etc…you get the gist. 

Whatever it is, whatever the approach is, the drama, the anger, the victim, the martyr, the blamer or the person who does anger, whatever it is, it is a function of not accepting and realising that we are 100% responsible for how we approach anything in our lives. The key is with us.

The moment we accept that unresourceful emotion, then unresourceful choices become a little less available to us because to know that we are 100% responsible for example for feeling sadness.  That is, that nobody makes you feel sad.

Knowing that you did that to yourself, what does that change about your focus the next time you decide to do sad?

For me personally, it means I do it less often. I choose to be resourceful.  I choose the response – I am responsible for it.  This is a resourceful pattern.  It’s a pattern or a psychology or a neural pathway for feeling and doing more resourceful emotions. We get to access more resourceful emotions as a result of believing this.

Therefore, it stands that I am 100% responsible for my change and my results.

You are 100% responsible for your change and your results.

Now, as a coach, I am not responsible for creating your change.  Let me say that again – I am not responsible for creating your change, you are responsible.  Now that is an amazingly freeing thing.

You are 100% responsible for the outcomes that you get.  No-one, no circumstance, no external source is responsible for my outcomes, my experiences, my life.  That is empowering.


Make a Choice

My invitation to you is to really be aware of the significance of this belief or success principle.

You are the only person responsible for your change and your experience of life.

You are responsible for whether or not you step up.

I think this principle probably applies to any area of our lives.

Have you ever been in a relationship where you just feel like your energy is being sucked out of you because you are always having to rescue them?  That is “choice”. Your pattern of rescuing is your choice.  Any other unsatisfactory or dissatisfying scenario is equally a matter of choice.  This is confronting to many people and many won’t have it and so will turn away from this and continue on as they always have.  That is fine, but the change they want will not eventuate or it will be lost if gained.

You could choose differently, and I wonder, if you could choose this moment to choose differently and you did, how would you do that?  Your responsibility stops with yourself.

Now this doesn’t mean to say that you don’t serve.  You serve more because you have more to give. You serve more because you see the potential for change within yourself which means you can see so much more potential within others.

It opens up your possibilities and it also means you are responsible for how you perceive anything.  If you are 100% responsible for how you experience anything in your world, wouldn’t it make sense for you to choose to experience everything as joyous or an opportunity to learn and then that too could be joyous.

That is all available to you right now.

It’s simply deciding how and where you will focus and from there using that as a moment for creating what it is you want in your life.


Exciting times ahead!

  1. Now it’s time to take some action. So, jump on the band wagon!
  2. If you haven’t already done so, click on the Coaching tab at the top of the page and read any Success Principles you haven’t already covered or you need a refresher on
  3. Acknowledge that you are 100% responsible for everything in your life and then look at the possibilities available to you now that you know that.   How exciting! Don’t get stuck on the ‘how’ of these possibilities.  That means, don’t discount any possibilities because you’re not clear or sure on how you might achieve them.
  4. Embrace and believe that everything you are experiencing is your choice.   That’s exciting too.
  5. Ask yourself and write down:
  • What is it I really want?
  • What does it look like?
  • What do I need to do?
  • Who do I need to be?

6. Read Can beliefs be changed?  How to change beliefs to change your life.

7.  Read my article on Awareness and the Power of Awareness so you can begin to learn more about and access your power beyond the mind.

8.  Subscribe to my website (scroll to the top or bottom of the screen) so you don’t miss out on Success Principle Number 7.

I would love your comments and feedback on this article.

Until next time, stay 100% responsible and know you have choice!

Martine

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